Feeling Meh, a Ritual I am Quitting and Why A Nearly One Year Old is Still Bloody Hard Work

I truly loved those mornings; sitting at my computer, with nothing but a faint breeze coming in through the window and a giant jar of water by my side. You see, for the entire month of July, I used to start my day at 5.15am, woken after our youngest stirred, and after feeding him the remains of his bottle from the night before and watching him gently fall back to sleep, I’d take myself to my desk and stay there working until everyone else woke, about two hours later.

No matter that Abe was going through another super wakeful phase and is up almost hourly through the night these days. Sleep deprivation? That’s for mums of newborns, isn’t it? The ‘morning ritual’ I’d stumbled on felt self-carey; like I’d struck gold: two hours of solitary, silent hours to myself to work, potter and be a-l-o-n-e! Bliss!

However, turns out it was a little too good to be true and there’s a catch to those stolen, silent moments where no one needs me or utters the ‘M’ word. You see, something caught up with me back then. It might have been weeks of not enough sleep – it almost certainly was, it might have been recent upsetting behaviour from one of our children, it might be the pandemic face-masked limbo we find ourselves in, and it might be something I’ll never share on social media – and that’s OK. All I know is that I had too many brain tabs open. Waaaay too many.

So this post is a small, slightly clichéd and IMPORTANT reminder to take care of yourself and to take time out. I’d hate for anyone to think I just listen to folk music and bake banana bread with the kids and don’t ever feel a little bit meh.

I’d hate for anyone to think I just listen to folk music and bake banana bread with the kids and don’t ever feel a little bit meh.

It’s been a #zeroplans WEEK – just what I needed. I’ve washed my hair, shaved my legs, and those 5am mornings will be no more (at least not until my 1 year old babe has resumed some more solid sleeping).

How are YOU guys doing and feeling these days?

Emma xxx

P.S I Quit and 6 Inspiring Instagram Accounts

13 Comments

  1. September 22, 2020 / 2:48 am

    nice article. thank you for sharing this. i like your blog

  2. Sophie
    August 25, 2020 / 10:19 am

    Thank you for your beautiful and honest post 🥰

  3. Jules
    August 25, 2020 / 10:16 am

    For the first four months of lockdown I found myself waking at 5 and really needing that time on my own. It felt like my only sanctuary during the day and it kept me sane. But I was tired. So tired, and although it’s important to have some time where the only needs I have to think about are my own I couldn’t keep it going. I’m now finding small ways to breath during each day and trying to remember that although solitude is precious I can care for myself whilst also caring for my family. x

  4. Michelle
    August 25, 2020 / 1:58 am

    I’ve been feeling exactly the same. I’m such an empath and the US is such a disaster right now that it hurts my heart some days. The days seem so long and lonely, my son misses seeing people and misses going on our forest walks everyday(car has been broken for two months now.) I almost feel lost. Hugs to you sweet mama, Better days and better sleeps are sure to come❤️

    • Emma Ross
      Author
      August 25, 2020 / 8:03 am

      hugs to you and gosh yes, reading the news (especially about what is happening in the US) is exhausting and scary, sending hugs right back michelle xx

  5. Victoria
    August 24, 2020 / 8:50 pm

    It’s good to highlight this. One person cannot do everything even if you have support. I was trying to work and do everything at home it’s too much.
    I now do a list but put things on it like sit and read with the children, sit outside and have a coffee, go for walk, not only make beds. It makes me feel so much better that I have not only just cleaned the house and done work.

    • Emma Ross
      Author
      August 25, 2020 / 7:58 am

      really love this idea of including relaxing on your list, being with the kids – all just as important, if not more! thanks for reading victoria xx

  6. Jenn
    August 22, 2020 / 10:34 pm

    I think I’ve been feeling meh for the past 4 years. I have been sleep deprived for the past 6 years and it’s just never getting better. Thanks for the honest post, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling extra meh these days. 💜

    • Emma Ross
      Author
      August 25, 2020 / 7:59 am

      man alive, sleep deprivation and the effects is SO REAL. sending love and sleep and a big dose of honesty xxx

  7. August 22, 2020 / 6:48 pm

    Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling a bit low, it’s hopefully a phase that will be over quickly. I always admire those that have the discipline to be up early – I never could! I laze in bed until the very last moment, always have. Hope that you are back to folk music and banana bread as soon as your body and mind feel ready. Thank you for sharing.

    • Emma Ross
      Author
      August 25, 2020 / 7:59 am

      thank you so much charlotte xxx

  8. Pippa
    August 22, 2020 / 3:21 pm

    I have always wondered if I should start getting up before my son. I wondered why others were so much more motivated than me and able to do it. The reality is it just doesn’t agree with my body. Waking before 6am makes me feel physically nauseous regardless of how much sleep I’ve had. Its just not for me and thats OK. 🤷‍♀️
    Great Post

    • Emma Ross
      Author
      August 25, 2020 / 8:03 am

      that’s more than ok xxx

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